I wonder if this why there were women at this event. But for me hearing Roxanne Shante was looking to reform the Juice Crew I would have written off the female hip-hop head as an endangered species, or in even a myth of legend. But there were women everywhere. Some of them even had nail polish on. Look there goes one right now, and she doesn't even look like she likes skateboarding. And that one right there has clean pants on it. Oh my God! Is that a skirt? A skirt at Hip-Hop jam. We'll I'll be the fourth member of Salt 'N' Pepa; it is a skirt at a Hip-Hop jam. I wonder if Dilla knocked out any reggae joints. I could do with a bubble session with big booty honey behind that speaker.
Speaking of women the moment I walked into the door I knew I'd see this girl I knew. The exact second I walked through the door I knew she'd be there. We originally parted ways under less than amicable circumstances so the fact that Dilla kept whispering that she'd be around had me wondering when she'd show up so that I could see how it would play out. I go downstairs to check out some of the items that were up for the charity auction and there she is coming down the stairs at the opposite end of the basement. I knew it was her as soon as I saw the boots walking down the stairs. Then I see the rest of her. Do you know those women who have an annoying habit of getting hotter than longer your not around them? Yeah well here I am 230lbs of rye and ginger held together by two 3 papers and J-Dilla decides to sit on my shoulder. My right shoulder. That the same shoulder that's connected to my right arm. Yes the right arm that end's in my pimp hand.
Normally the Snoop Doggy Dogg loving Dram E. Dram would have walked by her and only stopped to talk if she said hi. But under Dilla's influence it didn't go quite like that. Why the fuck did I look into her eyes?
Her: Hey! How are you?
Dilla: Tell her how hot she is.
Me: Cool. You?
Dilla: Man is she even prettier than before? Her eyes are shaped like almonds.
Her: I'm good. Same ole, same ole. What are you doing here?
Dilla: Chillin'? Fool, it's like she's looking right into your soul. That's where the beats come from. Tell her she's gorgeous.
Me (thinking): Please Mr. DJ play something by the Ying Yang twins. For the love of Conan the Barbarian play something with the word "skeet" in the chorus.
Her: I didn't know you were a Dilla fan.
Dilla: I know you didn't tell this honey you weren't a Dilla fan. I mean her eyes are prettier than Prince's.
Me (Thinking): You mean East end Prince? The one who thinks he's so big?
Dilla: No, the Purple Rain Prince. No one likes the other guy.
Me (thinking): Word.
Her: Didn't you say Like Water for Chocolate was an R & B album?
Me (Thinking): She remembers that convo. Wow.
Me: Well yeah but I blamed that on Common more than the beats.
Her: That's right. So tell me what's new and improved.
Dilla: You baby, you're new and improved. She must have some sort of plastic surgery. How is she prettier? Doggie you shouldn't have looked into her eyes.
Me (thinking); I know.
Dilla: Swallow your pride. Ask her what's up. Find out what's really good.
Me: I'm getting ready to bounce still.
Dilla: What? Look at her.
Me (thinking): You don't understand.
Dilla: That's pride fucking with you.
Me (thinking): But it's like she's looking into my heart.
Dilla: Ask her what she sees there.
Me (thinking): Oh that's just... GET OFF MY GOD DAMNED PIMP HAND DILLA!!!!
Her: Okay nice seeing you again.
Whew 22 years of listening to "Treat her Like a Prostitute", "A Bitch is a Bitch", "Sophisticated Bitch", and "Bitches Ain't Shit" nearly undone by J-Dilla and a pretty girl's eyes. There's a lesson in there somewhere.
P.S. The event raised $3500 to help Jay Dee's mom take care of some bills. Shout out to Jonathon Ramos for putting this event together. Peace to B-Boy Jedi for tearing up the dance floor and helping me find some emergency rolling papers.